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rant ahead

lately ive been extremely pissed off, to put it bluntly. i've been dealing with 3-6 hours of homework every night as well as lack of sleep. it doesn't help that the environment of school torments me to no end. i hate the people surrounding me and i constantly feel the urge to punch something or someone. the only class i was looking forward to was cut from my schedule because it "doesn't fit". i've talked to my counselor and there is nothing i can do about it. 


but it's not only academics that's pushing me to my limit--it's friends. 
i have one friend at school. all my other friends either abandoned me or changed. 
and my one friend is very temperamental and cranky. i know for a fact she doesn't get adequate sleep, which i'm sure adds to it. 
she's always in a bad mood and i sometimes feel helpless around her. what can i say that won't piss her off? should i say anything at all? 

even my online friends have been seeming incredibly distant from me. most the time i don't want to be the one to initiate conversation in fear of bothering someone, or just the simple fact i don't have time to initiate it with my 3-6 hours of homework. 

i recently attended kumoricon, where i made quite a few friends. i hung out with these friends for three days and i've known them for just about three weeks. and i feel closer to them than i do my "real" friends.  
i don't now if that's funny or sad. some friendships i've spent years on, only to be destroyed in a single night. but here i am, building friendships in three days. 

--------------

i'm just angry and lonely. i feel as though my friend(s) won't talk to me or trust me. i feel pretty... useless? 
useless. 
u s e l e s s . 

angry, lonely, and useless. that sums me up pretty damn well. 

---------------
what would it take for you to notice
that i am a heart on fire
and all the world's a fuse
so don't get close
trouble and the worth
am i better off on my own?
what will it take for you to notice
that i am hand grenade
pin already pulled
so don't let go
as we chase the sun
my shadow slows us down
....

i brought down the sky for you
but all you did was shrug
you gave my emptiness a name
but you ran away
now all my friends are gone 
maybe we've outgrown all the things that we once loved
run away
but what are we running from? 
a show of hands of those in this audience of one

....

to all the ones that shake my hand
then talk your shit behind my back
to those who claim they understand
but never heard a word i said
in spite of you i am still here
the vision has never been more clear
i slipped, i fell, then i lost everything
my hope, my faith, in what the future brings
  • Mood: Insulted
  • Listening to: Obstructed View (Rise Against)
  • Reading: -
  • Watching: Haikyu!!
  • Playing: -
  • Eating: -
  • Drinking: water
sometimes i think i should post my art but then ugh.
  • Mood: Hopeless
  • Listening to: -
  • Reading: -
  • Watching: -
  • Playing: -
  • Eating: -
  • Drinking: -
rant ahead

lately ive been extremely pissed off, to put it bluntly. i've been dealing with 3-6 hours of homework every night as well as lack of sleep. it doesn't help that the environment of school torments me to no end. i hate the people surrounding me and i constantly feel the urge to punch something or someone. the only class i was looking forward to was cut from my schedule because it "doesn't fit". i've talked to my counselor and there is nothing i can do about it. 


but it's not only academics that's pushing me to my limit--it's friends. 
i have one friend at school. all my other friends either abandoned me or changed. 
and my one friend is very temperamental and cranky. i know for a fact she doesn't get adequate sleep, which i'm sure adds to it. 
she's always in a bad mood and i sometimes feel helpless around her. what can i say that won't piss her off? should i say anything at all? 

even my online friends have been seeming incredibly distant from me. most the time i don't want to be the one to initiate conversation in fear of bothering someone, or just the simple fact i don't have time to initiate it with my 3-6 hours of homework. 

i recently attended kumoricon, where i made quite a few friends. i hung out with these friends for three days and i've known them for just about three weeks. and i feel closer to them than i do my "real" friends.  
i don't now if that's funny or sad. some friendships i've spent years on, only to be destroyed in a single night. but here i am, building friendships in three days. 

--------------

i'm just angry and lonely. i feel as though my friend(s) won't talk to me or trust me. i feel pretty... useless? 
useless. 
u s e l e s s . 

angry, lonely, and useless. that sums me up pretty damn well. 

---------------
what would it take for you to notice
that i am a heart on fire
and all the world's a fuse
so don't get close
trouble and the worth
am i better off on my own?
what will it take for you to notice
that i am hand grenade
pin already pulled
so don't let go
as we chase the sun
my shadow slows us down
....

i brought down the sky for you
but all you did was shrug
you gave my emptiness a name
but you ran away
now all my friends are gone 
maybe we've outgrown all the things that we once loved
run away
but what are we running from? 
a show of hands of those in this audience of one

....

to all the ones that shake my hand
then talk your shit behind my back
to those who claim they understand
but never heard a word i said
in spite of you i am still here
the vision has never been more clear
i slipped, i fell, then i lost everything
my hope, my faith, in what the future brings
  • Mood: Insulted
  • Listening to: Obstructed View (Rise Against)
  • Reading: -
  • Watching: Haikyu!!
  • Playing: -
  • Eating: -
  • Drinking: water

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:iconperidotprincezz:
PeridotPrincezz Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2014  New member Hobbyist Artist
Hi, I know you probably don't remember me/haven't thought about me in a long time, but do you remember Quizilla? It's being deleted forever on October 1st, and I just wanted to contact you again before then. I sent you an e-mail hoping we could come into contact again. It's me, Sandra! We used to be friends when you wrote Kingdom Hearts fanfiction, on Quizilla. I'm surprised but also very glad that you're still using DeviantArt, if you are indeed the person who I think you are. If not, then this is probably really confusing and makes no sense! I can see that you're having some rough times though by your journal, so if you don't have the time to catch up with me I understand! I hope we can become friends again! :)
Reply
:iconpokefanforever6:
Pokefanforever6 Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2014
Yeah, I heard about it being deleted! I'm vaguely upset about it, actually, I have so many pleasant memories from it! 
I hardly check that e-mail account anymore, but I'll check it to see what you have to say! And, of course I remember you! It's nice to talk again! 

Honestly, I don't get on DeviantArt too much, so I'm sorry if I don't reply very often. But, I'd definitely like to rekindle our friendship!
Reply
:iconperidotprincezz:
PeridotPrincezz Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2014  New member Hobbyist Artist
Ah I'm so happy you replied! I was worried you may not have gotten on, since I see you haven't done much on DA for a week. It's sad that it's getting deleted, but there are plenty of other sites out there for posting writing. It was a decent website, for sure. It had it's fair share of problems though. It's a bittersweet farewell! Sorry it took me a while to respond to you though, I've been busy. 
I only really made this DeviantArt account in hopes that I could contact you again, haha. dA just doesn't do it for me like it used to in terms of an all around enjoyable experience. 
Reply
:iconpokefanforever6:
Pokefanforever6 Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2014
I don't come on DA a whole lot anymore, tbh, but I try to get on every once in a while because I still talk to people on her. 
True! I haven't been on Quizilla in ages. Honestly, the only reason I feel any sadness is because I spent so much of my time there years ago. I could go on a whole rambling about it, but I won't. 

Aww, well thank you for contacting me. :) I was never really incredibly fond of DA, in all honesty.
Reply
:iconrenathexv:
RenaTheXV Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2014
Iknowimsuperduperlate
buthappyBELATEDbirthday.
*crawls away awkwardly*
Reply
:iconpokefanforever6:
Pokefanforever6 Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2014
aYYEEEE THAT'S OKAY YOU MADE IT WITHIN A MONTH!! 
thanks bae B) 
Reply
:iconrenathexv:
RenaTheXV Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2014
lol no problem
I tried I tried. How's life?
Reply
:iconpokefanforever6:
Pokefanforever6 Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2014
Ehh, could be better, honestly, but I'm doing okay as of right now. :) How are you doing? 
Reply
:iconshininglink112:
shininglink112 Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
Happy birthday!!!!!!!! <33
Reply
:iconpokefanforever6:
Pokefanforever6 Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2014
Thank you!!! :D <33
Reply
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