lately ive been extremely pissed off, to put it bluntly. i've been dealing with 3-6 hours of homework every night as well as lack of sleep. it doesn't help that the environment of school torments me to no end. i hate the people surrounding me and i constantly feel the urge to punch something or someone. the only class i was looking forward to was cut from my schedule because it "doesn't fit". i've talked to my counselor and there is nothing i can do about it.
but it's not only academics that's pushing me to my limit--it's friends.
i have one friend at school. all my other friends either abandoned me or changed.
and my one friend is very temperamental and cranky. i know for a fact she doesn't get adequate sleep, which i'm sure adds to it.
she's always in a bad mood and i sometimes feel helpless around her. what can i say that won't piss her off? should i say anything at all?
even my online friends have been seeming incredibly distant from me. most the time i don't want to be the one to initiate conversation in fear of bothering someone, or just the simple fact i don't have time to initiate it with my 3-6 hours of homework.
i recently attended kumoricon, where i made quite a few friends. i hung out with these friends for three days and i've known them for just about three weeks. and i feel closer to them than i do my "real" friends.
i don't now if that's funny or sad. some friendships i've spent years on, only to be destroyed in a single night. but here i am, building friendships in three days.
i'm just angry and lonely. i feel as though my friend(s) won't talk to me or trust me. i feel pretty... useless?
u s e l e s s .
angry, lonely, and useless. that sums me up pretty damn well.
what would it take for you to notice
that i am a heart on fire
and all the world's a fuse
so don't get close
trouble and the worth
am i better off on my own?
what will it take for you to notice....
that i am hand grenade
pin already pulled
so don't let go
as we chase the sun
my shadow slows us down
i brought down the sky for you
but all you did was shrug
you gave my emptiness a name
but you ran away
now all my friends are gone
maybe we've outgrown all the things that we once loved
but what are we running from?
a show of hands of those in this audience of one